Am I Depressed or Sad?
You know that uncomfortable feeling, stuck in bed, a running list of all the things that need to be done. And yet you find yourself unable to move. Bed is cozy, well cozy enough and it’s a perfect place to hide from life.
How long have you felt this way? Is this the first morning? Did something happen this week and you are struggling for the first time in awhile? Or has this been your morning every day for the last couple weeks… or month …. Or even possibly years?
What is depression?
Initially, depression was my enemy, it had swallowed me whole. This thing draining all of my energy and keeping me from all of those things on that stupid list.
My depression wasn’t from one thing. It would have been easier to manage if all my problems came from one thing I could point my finger at and go “HA! You over there! Its time to change!” My deep depressive dive was years in the making, many things I pushed myself through and felt like I was “fine.” One thing pushed me over the edge.
I was hitting 30, recently out of relationship. Work was all I had, the only avenue in my life that brought meaning. I had a couple friends, but no one I felt particularly close to. There was also an array of childhood trauma that wasn’t properly looked at, more stuffed into a corner and built around.
I felt like I was running out of time.
My depression was a pull to a stop. A space to breathe into and evaluate. The problem was I was only looking at the situation through the same lens ive had all my life… so I ran in circles. The thoughts were terrible. Any of these sound familiar?
You are not worthy of love. You have no friends. You’re worthless. No one would miss you. You are alone.
Thank you brain for all that garbage.
But that’s what depression does, it disrupts and negatively affects how you feel about yourself and the world around you, while also affecting the way you think and act.
The DSM-5 is the best tool to use to evaluate depression, it’s used as the bible of diagnosis for any psychiatrist/psychologist. It was first written in 1952 and was just updated in 2022. That’s 70 years of people learning and reworking the knowledge in there. Is it complete? Not a chance, but it’s the closest thing we have to understanding mental health at this time.
I want to state something important first. IF you are diagnosed with something, that does NOT change your value in any way. Im going to repeat, ANY diagnosis does NOT make you less than in any way. What it means is that right now you need support, and that’s okay. We all do in life at one time or another. All a diagnosis does is allow others in the medical field to know how to best support you.
Okay, so here is the criteria by the DSM-5 for Major Depressive Disorder. Ive adjusted some of the wording so its not quite so packed with medical language, but added the full section at the bottom if you are interested.
Criteria by the DSM-5 for Major Depressive Disorder
If you have five (or more) of the following symptoms for a two week period and you or someone in your trusted inner circle has noticed a change in your behaviour; and at least one of those is either #1 or #2.
Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.
Lacking interest or pleasure in all or almost all activities, most of the day.
Change in weight – either gain or loss; or change in eating habits – either more or less
Change in sleep – trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep and/or constantly feeling sleepy during the day.
Movements are slow, or constant state of restlessness/increased movement.
Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
Feelings of worthlessness, excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly everyday.
Trouble focusing or concentrating, lacking decisiveness; nearly everyday.
Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.
Ok, deep breath. That’s scary to read, I know. First time I read it, I checked off all 9. After a moment I actually laughed. Here! This is why I’ve been struggling to function! I’m not dying, i’m not stupid, i’m not useless. I was dealing with depression! It all made sense. It gave me a name for it, now when I was berating myself for struggling, I could place it where it belonged and change the narrative. Okay depression, i’m moving slowly, you are slowing me down for a reason. How can I care for you? What tasks can I remove from this list? (more on that later).
This isn’t a competition of who has the most symptoms, this is just a list that was created so psychologists had some way of knowing how best to treat people. Most of us are not psychologists so please don’t go around diagnosing friends or family members. But if you do notice these things in a loved one, it could be a good place for a conversation.
Precautions with self-diagnosis
Now just because you hear hoof-beats, don’t automatically think zebras. You may check all the boxes, but that’s still not a 100% chance of being right. Any self-diagnosis can be clouded by confirmation bias - where we see only what supports our belief but ignore any other information that may be contradictory.
For example. You check 5 boxes for major depressive disorder, but your dog died 2 weeks ago. Until that point you hadn’t experienced any of those things. Fluffy brought you joy, got you out of bed in the mornings and cuddled you to sleep in the evenings. Fluffy was also why you went for nightly walks around the neighborhood, and now you stay home in front of the TV snacking on delicious snacks leading to a little weight gain. You have no trouble during the day when you are out with friends, keeping up with work tasks and enjoying travelling on weekends. So is this depression or grief?
I can’t tell you how many times in a psychology or other health course I read the signs and symptoms and thought – oh shit that’s me! I have this thing! A self-diagnosis is wrong 50% of the time. So if you check off a few boxes and you are concerned, always connect with your local doctor, therapist or counsellor.
What now?
You don’t need a diagnosis of depression to start utilizing some self-care methods and tools. I have lots of ideas and suggestions on ways to do just that.
If this is depression or sadness, you are not powerless. You can create change and move through the feelings. Just know that if it is depression, it will take time and there will need to be some changes.
Is what you are feeling is normal? Yes. Depression, sadness, and grief are all normal. But that doesn’t mean these feelings are okay and to be left alone. As uncomfortable as they are, they want to be acknowledged.
This is where you reach for help. A friend or loved one for some closer support. A doctor, a psychiatrist, a counsellor for something a little more medical, these are the people who are trained to help all of us who are struggling with our mental health. Now they might not be perfect, but they can offer you something.
Now you might be wondering how long this is going to last. Here is the uncomfortable truth, the timeline is different for everyone. Bones are easy, I would rather break my femur. Easy 6 weeks of bone healing and a few months rehabbing muscles. Mental health concerns can last months, years, or decades. But what has been found to help and shorten the duration is acknowledgment, evaluation, and using tools and newly learned skills to sit with the discomfort.
Life isn’t about avoiding discomfort, it’s learning how to tolerate it.
This is where you get to make choices that can give you opportunities for growth. A new birth if you will.
Check out the self care below for a little walk through on how to evaluate some points in your life.
Now a life evaluation is never something that’s a one-and-done. We are always able to create change and continue in a new direction. I recommend you do this monthly and it can help you see down the road that changes have been made. You can choose a date or a moon phase, it doesn’t matter what, all that matters is that you do this consistently.
Your brain can’t tell you that everything is the same when you have proof that it’s not.
It could be something small. Not crying randomly through the day, not needing to scream while in the car, during body scans feeling more connected. Or even something big, learning a new language or instrument.
Whatever your goal is, you’ve got this.
Ready to take the next step? Sign up for our email list to receive more tools and insights on how to reconnect with your body, find peace, and reclaim your sense of self.
Self care
Date night with yourself
Time: 15 minutes+
Set up your space as you like. Light a candle, burn some incense, put on some wordless music, and maybe make yourself a delicious mocktail.
Take a sheet of paper, or a specific journal, and divide into three areas: body, mind and social connections. In each of those areas list how it is currently, what things you are currently doing, and a goal that you would like to accomplish over the next month.
For example: BODY
Currently Feeling : Soreness in my left shoulder, small ache in low back
Current Self care : In the gym 3 times a week, lots of morning walks. Drinking water when I remember.
Future Goal : add little breaks in when working to move my neck and shoulders
Start with a couple deep breaths, giving your body a little scan to say hello.
Take your time. List as many things as you can. For self-care, always start small. A large goal - like walking 10,000 steps every day - when you are having trouble making it to 5,000 isnt going to be realistic. And your body also wont be happy with you.
If any emotions come up, place one hand on your chest and the other on the belly. Sit with the emotion. We are not here to judge or evaluate. Hello discomfort.
Always be gentle with yourself and lead with compassion.
After, find some movement. Go with what your body is calling for, some gentle yoga, a walk around the block, or borrowing the neighbours dog to throw a ball.
Suggestions for self-care:
MIND:
journal every morning
place a sticky note at my desk reminding myself to take belly breaths
ask myself how i’m doing every hour and note it down.
BODY:
set an alarm to drink water/move every hour
try a new class/activity
dance party for 1 (this is my favourite!)
start the morning by standing outside for 5 minutes in the sunshine
SOCIAL CONNECTIONS:
make plans for a coffee date with a friend you haven’t seen in awhile - or go smaller if needed - just say message them “hello friend, how are you doing? what is bringing you joy these days?”
talk to a stranger 1 time a week
ask friends if they want to get together to start a social club**
** I started a Stitch & Bitch and there were about 5 of us that would get together and cross-stitch and vent about life. It was incredible and I highly recommend it!
Not sure what kind of music?
Check out this peaceful playlist with lots of violin and cello!
tldr
Don’t have the energy to read the whole thing right now? No worries, I got you.
- What is depression?
It disrupts and negatively affects how you feel about yourself and the world around you, while also affecting the way you think and act.
- We go over the criteria in the DSM-5 for Major Depressive Disorder.
- Precautions with self-diagnosis
You may check all the boxes, but that’s still not a 100% chance of being right. Any self-diagnosis can be clouded by confirmation bias. A self-diagnosis is wrong 50% of the time. Always touch base with your local doctor, therapist or counsellor if you are concerned.
- What now?
You don’t need a diagnosis for depression to start utilizing some self-care methods and tools. Any change takes time.
What you are feeling is normal. This your body asking for change.
If you are struggling on your own, reach out. A friend or loved one for some closer support. A doctor, a psychiatrist, a counsellor for something a little more medical. Both have something to offer.
How long does this last? Here is the uncomfortable truth, its different with everyone. What has been found to help and shorten the duration is acknowledgment, evaluation, and using tools and new learned skills to sit with the discomfort.
Life isn’t about avoiding discomfort, it’s learning how to tolerate it.
- How to start moving forward
This is where you get to make choices that can give you opportunities for growth. I have a PDF available for you to download to go over some key areas to get you started.
Make this evaluation part of a regular routine, to empower yourself for change and to demonstrate to yourself that things do change over time.
DSM 5
Major Depressive Disorder
Diagnostic criteria
A. Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure. Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly attributable to another medical condition.
Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g. feels sad, empty, hopeless) or observation made by others (e.g. appears tearful). (Note: in children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.)
Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly everyday (as indicated by either subjective account or observation).
Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. (Note: in children, consider failure to make expected weight gain.)
Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day.
Psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).
Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly everyday (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick).
Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others).
Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.
B. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupation, or other important areas of functioning.
C. The episode is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or to another medical condition.
Citations
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Depressive Disorders. In Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., page 155.)